: For our own Cop


link817
02-13-2006, 12:03 PM
While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know, he asked,

"What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah?" said the cop, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *******?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket..................................$195.00

Court Costs....................................$45.00

The look on cop's face...........PRICELESS

GOT COPE?
02-13-2006, 06:14 PM
Thats good!!!

tweeder3410
02-14-2006, 01:01 AM
That is pretty dang funny, I think I saw that at work the other day posted on the board.

I'm only 5'9" though so that crap won't get me!! LOL

wkendrebel
02-27-2006, 09:05 PM
Thats great!!! Made my day.

tweeder3410
02-28-2006, 02:13 AM
I still like my line I give out, I just did it agian about 45mins ago....

Guy/girl runs the stop sign, so I goto the car give my little spill "Hi sir/mam I am officer Weed with Hapeville police dept, I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign" Well I wait for my chance....."well officer I slowed down"... There it is..... So I look at said perp and ask them, while holding my flashlight,"Sir/mam If I was beatin you in the head with this flashlight and you asked me to stop, would you want me to stop.....or slow down? They stare at you in amazment for a good few seconds and either get really mad or start to laugh and say "well that does make sence"

I always get a kick out of that one..

Oh another one was when I was in court testifing to an incident that happened a while back. Well the defence(sp) attourney asked me "So officer Weed tell me just how far can you see at night" I look at him and respond " Well sir, I can see the moon, how far is that?" The judge had to turn around in his chair cause he about fell out in the floor. The defence attourney just turned around and said " no further ?'s" It was great.

HillBilly_Young01
02-28-2006, 06:26 PM
I still like my line I give out, I just did it agian about 45mins ago....

Guy/girl runs the stop sign, so I goto the car give my little spill "Hi sir/mam I am officer Weed with Hapeville police dept, I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign" Well I wait for my chance....."well officer I slowed down"... There it is..... So I look at said perp and ask them, while holding my flashlight,"Sir/mam If I was beatin you in the head with this flashlight and you asked me to stop, would you want me to stop.....or slow down? They stare at you in amazment for a good few seconds and either get really mad or start to laugh and say "well that does make sence"

I always get a kick out of that one..

Oh another one was when I was in court testifing to an incident that happened a while back. Well the defence(sp) attourney asked me "So officer Weed tell me just how far can you see at night" I look at him and respond " Well sir, I can see the moon, how far is that?" The judge had to turn around in his chair cause he about fell out in the floor. The defence attourney just turned around and said " no further ?'s" It was great.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
you gota love it when cops are smart asses.

tweeder3410
03-01-2006, 02:56 AM
If you stopped as many people as I do in any given month to hear the same crap over and over agian you tend to start makin it more fun for both you and the driver. There have been times a driver has left with 2-3 tickets and been laughing saying "you know I never thought it would have been this fun getting 3 tickets" It's all on how you deal with people, just treat them like people and your no better than they are, cause beleve me I am no saint and have broken many of traffic laws in my day, I would be a hipacrit to lecture someone for the same thing I was doing 15 min before my shift.

HillBilly_Young01
03-01-2006, 09:55 AM
true. so what all do you do in the police department. im thinkin about getting into it here in gwinnett when im old enough (im 17 right now).

tweeder3410
03-05-2006, 03:28 AM
true. so what all do you do in the police department. im thinkin about getting into it here in gwinnett when im old enough (im 17 right now).
Man anything to everything. I am in uniform division, which is your basic street cop. Come April I will be going to SWAT I school and will on the the SWAT team for exicuting search warrants, and all that fancy shit you see in the movies. My Dept and Gwinnett are two different animals though, here it's a small dept and not as much politics and BS goes on. Like the other day I got off shift at 0700 and was about to go home and the SWAT commander snagged me on the way out and asked me to come out to do some undercover drug interdiction on buses with some of the special ops guys. Gwinnett is alot "by the book" set up, something like that would have never happened there.

As for general work, you may respond to anything as small as an old lady heard something in the back yard and wants you to walk around to something as nasty as an armed robbery and the perp is fleeing on foot armed with a gun, knife, ect.. It's fun....but it's 80% bordem and 20% blastin out your ass excitment, and can be very dangerous. If you want more insight into the whole thing come out to the clean up next weekend and I can tell you all you would ever want to know.