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472 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Sorry if its a repost.. one of my customers sent this to me via email. being that i run a computer business i found it pretty hilarious.

Resigning in Style

Apparently, this is an actual letter of resignation from an employee at "Zantex Computers", Australia, to his boss, J Pilgrim. His boss, known as Pilly, apparently resigned very soon afterwards!

Dear Mr Pilgrim

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please. I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.

Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!


Adrian Barragan

2,469 Posts
Nice. I know a couple of people in my office who will get a kick out of this! :D

63 Posts
"Zantex Computers" doesn't sound like an institution of higher learning to me. I would guess this is one of those urban legends that has been forwarded millions of times. We should email Mythbusters.

472 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
JC1775 said:
I know, I know, I'm a party pooping asshole ...yikes, I just said pooping and asshole in the same sentence!

Aw man.......oh well...instead of making another thread i guess i'll have to make up for it by posting another urband legend. whats the scoop with this one? :rofl:

Why I Fired My Secretary...

Last Week Was My Birthday And I Didn't Feel Very Well
Waking Up That Morning.

I Went Downstairs For Breakfast Hoping My Wife Would
Be Pleasant And Say, "happy Birthday!", And Possibly
Have A Present For Me.

As It Turned Out, She Barely Said Good Morning, Let
Alone "happy Birthday."

I Thought... Well, That's Marriage For You, But The
Kids Will Remember. My Kids Ate Breakfast And Didn't
Say A Word.

So When I Left For The Office, I Was Feeling Pretty
Low And Somewhat Despondent.

As I Walked Into My Office, My Secretary, Jane Said,
"good Morning Boss, Happy Birthday!" It Felt A Little
Better That At Least Someone Had Remembered.

I Worked Until One O'clock And Then Jane Knocked On My
Door And Said, "you Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day
Outside, And It's Your Birthday, Let's Go Out To
Lunch, Just You And Me."

I Said, "thanks Jane, That's The Greatest Thing I've
Heard All Day. Let's Go!"

We Went To Lunch. But We Didn't Go Where We Normally
Would Go. We Dined Instead At A Little Place With A
Private Table. We Had Two Martinis Each And I Enjoyed
The Meal Tremendously.

On The Way Back To The Office, Jane Said, "you Know,
It's Such A Beautiful Day... We Don't Need To Go Back
To The Office, Do We?"

I Responded, "i Guess Not. What Do You Have In Mind?"

She Said, "let's Go To My Apartment."

After Arriving At Her Apartment Jane Turned To Me And
Said, "boss, If You Don't Mind, I'm Going To Step Into
The Bedroom For A Moment. I'll Be Right Back."

"ok." I Nervously Replied.

She Went Into The Bedroom And, After A Couple Of
Minutes, She Came Out Carrying A Huge Birthday Cake...
Followed By My Wife, Kids, And Dozens Of My Friends
And Co-workers, All Singing "happy Birthday".

And I Just Sat There...

On The Couch...

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