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OK, maybe you guys have seen stuff like this before, dunno but some of this stuff had me rolling. Found them on the Portland, OR craigslists "best of craigslist....pretty damned funnY..

To the women who work in my office... I hate you

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Date: 2006-11-10, 4:56PM EST


Girl with the bright blonde weave who works in reception- I don’t know how you got your job, you are so uneducated it makes me sick. Did you graduate grammar school? I think I would respect you more if the answer to that is no. I want to throw a rock at your face every time I walk by when you are answering the phone and you say something like “who you callin’ for?” or “he in a meetin’ right now” or my personal favorite, “who this is?” I bet the people on the other end of the phone want to throw a rock at your face too. I also can’t stand when I get message notes from you that are written like so: Mr. Smith called hes wanting to kno wen he shuld ecspect the letter of aprovle. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It amazes me that the only two things in your job description are answering phones and taking phone messages and you can’t do either of those things!

Tall girl in design with the short brown hair- You have horrendous body odor! I’m not talking a little stench here and there I am talking everyday when you walk into the building people drop dead. I don’t know how you don’t notice it. I’m going to buy you deodorant for Christmas.

Fat woman who works in suite 19- I don’t know exactly what you do for this company, but I know far too much about your personal life. When you talk to your boyfriend on company time, please refrain from telling him it felt so good when he slipped his hard dick into your fat ass! Yea I heard that, and so does everyone else that walks by your suite when you are on the phone. It’s disgusting, and we don’t want to hear about it, so keep your voice down.

Blonde woman who works for accounting- I know that you are 30, not 25 and I also know that at the Christmas party last year you had sex with the bosses son in the broom closet and that he got you pregnant. Please don’t insult me in front of our coworkers again or I will tell everyone.

Hot girl that works in sales- When you wear that brown skirt with the white flower on the bottom and you sit down, we can all see that you don’t wear panties.

Boss’ old receptionist- My name is not, John, Jason, Jack, Jim or Jared… it’s Evan.

Middle age woman who works in reception- Your job is not that hard. You answer phones, put people on hold, and take messages. I don’t care that you were up late cleaning the house or that you sat up all night waiting for you delinquent son to get home, that does not give you a reason to get rude with a customer or walk around bitching about how your job is so stressful. Half of us come in still drunk from the night before, but we never yell at clients, bitch about our family members or say our jobs are soooo hard.

Pregnant bitch- There is only one of you, so no need for further description but let it be known that you are not the first person to ever get knocked up! You are not the first person to get heart burn, you are not the first person to get morning sickness. You are not the first person to pee their pants because the baby put too much pressure on your bladder and you certainly are not the first person who has had strange cravings for cheese and anchovies. Stop complaining about it!

Little intern girl- You are so cute with your stringy brown hair, acne and braces but your coffee skills are lacking. All I ever want is a large black coffee but you seem to thing that I would rather a low-fat latte, or a caramel machiato, or even a Chai Tea. Nope I don't want those, I just want a damn black coffee! Also, you obviously don't know your alphabet because my filing cabinet is a mess. F does not come after R, sweetie. Do you want to flunk the class you are doing this internship for? No? You better shape your ass up and get me the right coffee then!

Pretty girl who is head of the writing department- You are the only girl who works in this office that I can stand. You greet me every morning with a bright smile and a cheery hello. And you are so damn smart. No wonder you are 22 and head of the department that could pretty much make or break our company. One time I asked you the Circumference of the earth and you kew it! Usually I would think that is weird and dork but from you, I find it really hot. I also like that you are the only girl in the company that hasn't slept with someone that works with us. But for the record, if you slept with me, I wouldn't respect you any less.

Hispanic girl who works in design- You wear way too much makeup, I hate that you draw your eyebrows on, and I'm pretty sure you have an adams apple and are a man.

35 year old secretary- You have a 20 year old son, and a 15 year old son... yet you dress like you are 16. I would be embarrassed to be your children. Oh and you look really stupid when you wear that plaid school-girl skirt with the white tights and hooker boots. This is an office... not a brothel.

here is another one that was great....

RANT: Crotch Rot

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Date: 2006-10-13, 3:33PM EDT


Or as I like to call it, The Yeast Beast.

Many men are more than happy to talk about the clitoris and the vagina all damn day and I am thrilled to accommodate these sicko pervs. However, there is a line we all hate to cross. But there comes a time when one must throw caution and good taste aside and address these issues in the interest of womanhood.

Yes, yeast infections. Crotch rot. That burning itching dripping fungus that attacks the very area we hold most dear.

I never used to get yeast infections. Then I started taking all these antibiotics, now I seem to be on my third one.

I was not exactly sure the first day. I mean, I had a sort of itchy achy feeling radiating from between my legs. I called up my husband to report this. He likes to keep track of my crotch.

"Honey, I think I am really horny."
He gulped. "You think?"
"It’s hard to say. I could be getting yeast infection. I definitely need something down there."
"Probably a yeast infection," he said gloomily.
"No, I think it is horniness. I want you."
"Whatever you say."
"I said I want you, dammit! I am longing for you! I need it bad."
He sighed. "Okay, I get it."

But then the burning began. The itching became unbearable, panties were an impossibility, and I was compelled to continually check for the tell-tale whitish ickiness. Soon I was fairly confident I had the crotch rot, but couldn’t quite find time to get to the grocery store.

By mid morning I was in agony. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to lie back with my legs spread and shove an ice cube up my twat or floss with a burlap rope. The corncobs in the cornucopia table display suddenly looked very appealing. I exerted myself trying to dig and itch in a graceful manner in my open to the world office.

At lunch I rushed to the store, being careful to walk with my legs four feet apart at all times. I grabbed the Monistat 3 from the shelf. A friend, who happens to also be a pharmacist, was working. I decided to be responsible and actually read the label.

"David, my crotch is on fire again. This says not to use repeatedly. Can I still use it?"

He paused. He then made some very professional type noises about consulting your physician.

"Don’t screw with me David, I need it BAD!" I was in no mood.

He admitted I could probably use it. I amused myself by bitching for several minutes about this latest series of primal punishments. David became concerned.

"You really should see a doctor. If you are getting them a lot you could be developing drug resistant strain." He went on from there.

The basic premise was I could actually be using my vagina to breed my very own form of Super Yeast that would eventually be vulnerable only to kryptonite and the music of Barry Manilow. I couldn’t get into the doctor for at least a week. I asked for alternatives. David informed me many women used natural treatments, such as plain yogurt.

Really?

"Umm, how exactly would you get the yogurt in there?"

He shrugged.

I pondered this. I suggested I could make little yogurt popsicles and shove them inside. But David wasn’t sure if freezing would kill the cultures. The other scenarios I came up with seemed very messy or involved fancy equipment I did not own. Also, how long would you leave it? It is sort of warm down there and experience has taught me if yogurt sits out too long it spoils.

"Well, you can also use garlic," he suggested. "You wrap some open cloves in a cheese cloth and insert overnight. Be sure to leave a piece of the cloth where you can reach it though."

Beautiful. This would have the added benefit of keeping vampires out from between my thighs while I slept. Always an issue. Add some tomatoes and pasta and you have a dining experience waiting to happen.

I bought the Monistat again.


this is in or around At The Bakery

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 

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Ilove craigslist...good tuff
 
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